Egregoros

This caught me off guard earlier. Not because it's not a common story & people shouldn't appraise their family for what/who they are... but I lost my mom a year ago yesterday, & she was very different from this.

I'll always be grateful she told me how awful & ruinous divorce is, & how the only person you can control is yourself (it's very rarely another's fault, even your spouse's, when you're not fulfilled). Sorry for my circle-back. I hope your mom was loving to you, or you at least had peace with her in the end.

@GoyGirl

She got better after I had kids, becoming a grandmother changed her a lot. But yes before that she was an absolute headache... she was deeply propagandized by 80's feminism and it took her 30 years to snap out of it. But still, my take is that her slowly becoming elderly is what stopped her from the divorce cycle because she used to threaten her current husband with divorce all the time whenever she got upset but she chilled out and realized that she would be forever alone if she didn't wake up and control her mood swings.

Oh and she's still alive lol. I was just referring to her old ways. She is very loving to me, and sorry about your loss

Grandma status is definitely special & seemingly humbling for many 😊 My mom had me pretty late in life, but she was a bit ahead of boomers & came of age & dated dad in early 60's... had a Laura Ingalls' upbringing. Sadly, their courtship was fast (not uncommon then) & she did ignore some red flags in his family...

He became very much a cheater, then a beater... then a non-provider 😕 She did divorce him in late 70's after 14 long years & re-marry a bit later after he'd changed some to have me. He wasn't THAT much better in my life & divorced again when I was 10, but that's how she knew it sucked. She married my great stepdad shortly after & was with him til she passed.

It's mine (& largely my husband's) belief + experience that a parent's marriage mistakes stick with you more than their parenting ones. We can make parenting mistakes, but marriage is either a great gift... or a very rocky road.

Happy endings count, though 🥰

neither of my parents are crazy but my dad was very emotionally distant, miserly, and strict. it apparently drove my mom crazy and she ran off a year or so ago. I never got the vibe they loved each other, at least not past the age of 10. they would fight a lot but at least had the courtesy to hide it from their kids. tbh i just feel bad for both of them because I'd hate to be on either side of a divorce after 30something years. like you wasted your life (in my mom's case) or that you feel completely betrayed (in my dad's case).