Way ahead of you
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I'm literally doing this rn. Gonna have an afternoon siesta I'm thinking, Rick. I'm healing a black eye and side bruising my mom (a nurse her whole life) was like "this bruise is so thick it feels like there's something inside it. That's really bad"
Do you have an eye patch on? You could then have fun and talk like a pirate recovering from a skirmish. 
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1No but I found out yesterday women love a sensitive young man (40 btw) covered in deep tissue bruises all over head to toe