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This caught me off guard earlier. Not because it's not a common story & people shouldn't appraise their family for what/who they are... but I lost my mom a year ago yesterday, & she was very different from this.

I'll always be grateful she told me how awful & ruinous divorce is, & how the only person you can control is yourself (it's very rarely another's fault, even your spouse's, when you're not fulfilled). Sorry for my circle-back. I hope your mom was loving to you, or you at least had peace with her in the end.
@GoyGirl

She got better after I had kids, becoming a grandmother changed her a lot. But yes before that she was an absolute headache... she was deeply propagandized by 80's feminism and it took her 30 years to snap out of it. But still, my take is that her slowly becoming elderly is what stopped her from the divorce cycle because she used to threaten her current husband with divorce all the time whenever she got upset but she chilled out and realized that she would be forever alone if she didn't wake up and control her mood swings.

Oh and she's still alive lol. I was just referring to her old ways. She is very loving to me, and sorry about your loss :sad_cat:
Grandma status is definitely special & seemingly humbling for many 😊 My mom had me pretty late in life, but she was a bit ahead of boomers & came of age & dated dad in early 60's... had a Laura Ingalls' upbringing. Sadly, their courtship was fast (not uncommon then) & she did ignore some red flags in his family...

He became very much a cheater, then a beater... then a non-provider 😕 She did divorce him in late 70's after 14 long years & re-marry a bit later after he'd changed some to have me. He wasn't THAT much better in my life & divorced again when I was 10, but that's how she knew it sucked. She married my great stepdad shortly after & was with him til she passed.

It's mine (& largely my husband's) belief + experience that a parent's marriage mistakes stick with you more than their parenting ones. We can make parenting mistakes, but marriage is either a great gift... or a very rocky road.

Happy endings count, though 🥰
that last part sorta ringing true for me
never thought my parents were bad at what they did, but they didn't get along too well and after 30+ years of marriage they're going through a divorce, and suddenly my sister's going on about how our childhood was actually shit. it's pretty rough stuff
Oh, I'm sorry 😞 Divorcing of parents as an adult really sucks too seems like.

It's true, though... hub's mom is very batshit all around (& dad is therefore non-leading, cuck'ed enabler), but even her craziest mothering doesn't stand out as much as her overt crazy wife-ing... & you'll resent a dad who isn't loving, but also necessarily leading & squelching of disrespect.
@GoyGirl @suquili

My mom left my dad when I was 5 years old. My dad dated a couple crazies afterwards and then went all in on Filipina wives, then they were all crazy too and he went through 3 of them and the last one is sticking around but even she had an episode of wanting to leave him. This is why me personally, done with marriage. I just can't anymore with this unless the rules change and society changes..

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I'm in a similar boat re: marriage. It scares me. Had one relationship in my life. I loved her but had a hard time trusting her. 5 years later and I still can't imagine myself falling in love with someone else to even half the extent I loved her. Sigh