I have a problem and it's not a womanizing or a sex problem (i fucking love women btw) or a drug problem or even an alcohol or anything like that problem. I have zero issue abstaining from all of these. I think I need to stop putting people especially people not directly involved in my life before myself. I think I will be a lot more happy if I stop focusing on trying to always solve everybodys problem and just focus on what makes me happy
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13I have like, a hero complex or something. I feel like if there is some way I can solve anybodys issue I always have to be the one to do it. I'm being begged to enter into an agreement that is going to change my life but will just extend somebody elses current life as it is as if nothing changed. It's going to fuck me over for like 3-4 years, it's not going to benefit me at all but it will make sure somebody I care about will be okay. I will bear the entirety of the burden. and if something goes sideways I will bear the entire financial burden too. and for what?
I will be consistently worried about this every day for 4 years, and what happens when 4 years comes up and the help is needed again? "well you already did it for 4 years, whats another 4 years"
I've always been the one people that know me irl turn to for help but like, when is the limit? when I just go like physically crazy or something?
I've always been the one people that know me irl turn to for help but like, when is the limit? when I just go like physically crazy or something?
somebody I am very fond of recently asked something very heavy of me and I want to help because that's how I've always been. I know what it feels like to be at the end of the rope and have nobody there to pull you up. but this is going to emotionally and mentally kill me if I agree to it and if I say no I am going to let down a lot more than just one person. i will be financially tied to this for a minimum of 4 years. it will tie up about 10% of what I have left of my savings from crypto and if it falls through I could lose up to 25%. if things work out, I could double what I have. but I don't want to gamble on the wellbeing of somebody I am fond of. I do not want to mislead these people, but I do not think this is the smart path for these people
when we spoke last on the phone last night "we will speak later and you will save us"
those words have been burned in my mind since I put my phone down. how can I let somebody down who knows I would help them enough they will say "and you will save us" with confidence. I told this person I wanted to help them maybe 2 months ago and I've repeatedly been told "no I can't let you, you will be tied in this for years" to "you will save us"
those words have been burned in my mind since I put my phone down. how can I let somebody down who knows I would help them enough they will say "and you will save us" with confidence. I told this person I wanted to help them maybe 2 months ago and I've repeatedly been told "no I can't let you, you will be tied in this for years" to "you will save us"
@graf Nothing wrong with wanting to help. I'll help even a stranger, but I've learned a couple things.
The helping breeds dependency. It goes from "help me out this time" to the phone keeps ringing with "we need x amount."
The rules I had to implement for myself and my wife are:
- You can't save them all even if you bankrupted yourself
- Lead with the mentality that there will be a hard cut off and you don't even have to verbalize the cut off; just stop answering the phone.
I understand and respect the urge to help, but sometimes distance is the best medicine. I have seen some cases where people get better after being cutoff, like it shakes something loose in their psyche.
Whatever you decide, God bless and GM
this isn't a simple handout, it's much, much larger or i wouldn't even be mulling it over let alone posting about it
Everything I've read screams that you are being led on. It sounds like you're entering lawyer territory, like trusts and investment agreements, but with someone who could easily cut and run.
I won't get into specifics but it's removing a somebody from a mortgage that has about 500k left on it. I would be the principle lendee as they wont extend that much to the current party on the mortgage. no cut and run because as the principle owner I could just have the bank sell it
If you are going to do this, take full title to the property and have a lease or land contract with the occupants of the house so you can sell the place and get your money back if they bail on you. Hire a real estate attorney. You can make this relatively risk free.
she told me she would pay me rent equivalent to the cost of the mortgage but I do not know how to split it when it comes to sell in 4 years
What would you do if she couldn't/didn't pay rent? Evict her and her kids? Don't sign on for only the bad parts of a landlord/tenant relationship.
oh…
yea, then i pay the mortgage lol and the landlord tenant thing is non existent because it's not a rental agreement because it's a cosign on a mortgage. a little more complicated
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