I have a problem and it's not a womanizing or a sex problem (i fucking love women btw) or a drug problem or even an alcohol or anything like that problem. I have zero issue abstaining from all of these. I think I need to stop putting people especially people not directly involved in my life before myself. I think I will be a lot more happy if I stop focusing on trying to always solve everybodys problem and just focus on what makes me happy
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48I have like, a hero complex or something. I feel like if there is some way I can solve anybodys issue I always have to be the one to do it. I'm being begged to enter into an agreement that is going to change my life but will just extend somebody elses current life as it is as if nothing changed. It's going to fuck me over for like 3-4 years, it's not going to benefit me at all but it will make sure somebody I care about will be okay. I will bear the entirety of the burden. and if something goes sideways I will bear the entire financial burden too. and for what?
I will be consistently worried about this every day for 4 years, and what happens when 4 years comes up and the help is needed again? "well you already did it for 4 years, whats another 4 years"
I've always been the one people that know me irl turn to for help but like, when is the limit? when I just go like physically crazy or something?
I've always been the one people that know me irl turn to for help but like, when is the limit? when I just go like physically crazy or something?
somebody I am very fond of recently asked something very heavy of me and I want to help because that's how I've always been. I know what it feels like to be at the end of the rope and have nobody there to pull you up. but this is going to emotionally and mentally kill me if I agree to it and if I say no I am going to let down a lot more than just one person. i will be financially tied to this for a minimum of 4 years. it will tie up about 10% of what I have left of my savings from crypto and if it falls through I could lose up to 25%. if things work out, I could double what I have. but I don't want to gamble on the wellbeing of somebody I am fond of. I do not want to mislead these people, but I do not think this is the smart path for these people
when we spoke last on the phone last night "we will speak later and you will save us"
those words have been burned in my mind since I put my phone down. how can I let somebody down who knows I would help them enough they will say "and you will save us" with confidence. I told this person I wanted to help them maybe 2 months ago and I've repeatedly been told "no I can't let you, you will be tied in this for years" to "you will save us"
those words have been burned in my mind since I put my phone down. how can I let somebody down who knows I would help them enough they will say "and you will save us" with confidence. I told this person I wanted to help them maybe 2 months ago and I've repeatedly been told "no I can't let you, you will be tied in this for years" to "you will save us"
I'm not downplaying the severity but it reminds me of my wife and her desire to save every animal on the planet, but especially dogs. I have to tell her all the time: you can't save them all.
Hi @graf, we don’t know each other, but trust me when I tell you to drop this. Think for yourself first, there’s nothing wrong with that. More importantly, there’s often more to lose than to gain by helping someone. You never know if your help will truly be appreciated, and most of the time, you may end up alone when it’s your turn to need help.
I’ve been in situations with both wealthy and very poor people, and honestly, humanity can be disappointing. That’s a hard truth for many to accept, but it doesn’t make it any less true. So go ahead and avoid unnecessary burden.
I’ve been in situations with both wealthy and very poor people, and honestly, humanity can be disappointing. That’s a hard truth for many to accept, but it doesn’t make it any less true. So go ahead and avoid unnecessary burden.
> you will save us
red flag
red flag
my issue isn't whether or not maybe this will end up costing me because its definitely going to cost me somehow whether it be financial emotional physical whatever. whenever I need help the only people I can turn to is you guys but the only help I can turn to you guys for is help with the site. I have friends IRL but I could never ask them to do something like cosign a car or a house or a loan or something like that, I have too much pride. I have on one occasion used a couple friends from poast as references for something but I would never ever put anybody on this webzone in a position where they would ever be out anything.
I want to help this person. I want to help these people, I should say. I want to. but there are some things that happened between the first time I was asked for help until now that always stick out in my mind. and i want to talk to her about it in person. there is also a 4 year long issue we need to discuss before i consider it but every time I bring it up "we can write up a letter and agree on it and sign it with lawyers!" and because this is an ESL person you can't just be like "no, like there need to be safeguards for both parties" and its just. I'm just so tired man. I can hear in her voice every time I talk to her that she is tired and she mentions me helping her and she just sounds happier over all and its just all burning my brain
I want to help this person. I want to help these people, I should say. I want to. but there are some things that happened between the first time I was asked for help until now that always stick out in my mind. and i want to talk to her about it in person. there is also a 4 year long issue we need to discuss before i consider it but every time I bring it up "we can write up a letter and agree on it and sign it with lawyers!" and because this is an ESL person you can't just be like "no, like there need to be safeguards for both parties" and its just. I'm just so tired man. I can hear in her voice every time I talk to her that she is tired and she mentions me helping her and she just sounds happier over all and its just all burning my brain
>>I'm being begged to enter into an agreement that is going to change my life but will just extend somebody elses current life as it is as if nothing changed.
Sire, what does your gut tell you? If your gut tells you: you're getting into too much, maybe you're getting into too much. Clearly your gut is not telling you: "YES YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!", always listen to your gut.
Sire, what does your gut tell you? If your gut tells you: you're getting into too much, maybe you're getting into too much. Clearly your gut is not telling you: "YES YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!", always listen to your gut.
I can't watch videos where animals get hurt I get irrationally upset and angry
@graf Nothing wrong with wanting to help. I'll help even a stranger, but I've learned a couple things.
The helping breeds dependency. It goes from "help me out this time" to the phone keeps ringing with "we need x amount."
The rules I had to implement for myself and my wife are:
- You can't save them all even if you bankrupted yourself
- Lead with the mentality that there will be a hard cut off and you don't even have to verbalize the cut off; just stop answering the phone.
I understand and respect the urge to help, but sometimes distance is the best medicine. I have seen some cases where people get better after being cutoff, like it shakes something loose in their psyche.
Whatever you decide, God bless and GM
I wish my dad was still alive, he would know exactly the words to tell me and he would know exactly what I should do
this isn't a simple handout, it's much, much larger or i wouldn't even be mulling it over let alone posting about it
I can see your point, and it’s not necessarily wrong. Of course, without knowing all the people involved or the full situation, I can only guess.. but from the outside, it looks like someone might be trying to manipulate you, the fact that you’re writing about it suggests that something inside you is already warning you not to go through with it. My advice is to trust your instincts and don’t do it. In the end, it’s your decision, but as I and many others have said, it really seems wiser not to do it.
Every woman I've told about this or let read our conversations has said it's manipulation too. My sister who is involved in a relevant industry told me I'm straight up being lied to. I have seen the legal documents so I know it's above board, but my sister might be right and I might be being mislead. I asked about what I was concerned about and I got ignored but then when we were in person I got like a half-assed response out of nowhere. so like, I don't know man.
I have to literally sit down and type out a pros vs cons and questions vs answers word document to decide if I should do this and like????? I'm 40 now why am I doing this
I have to literally sit down and type out a pros vs cons and questions vs answers word document to decide if I should do this and like????? I'm 40 now why am I doing this
If you want a lawyer, plan on a lawyer; shouldnt you call a lawyer to get them started, looking into the details, then turn off your phone and get away from it? So you can push as much stress onto the lawyer.
I think I need to make a list of things I am concerned about, things I feel mislead about and things I am misunderstanding and sit down and have these answered before I consider anything else. I think that is my step right now
i feel sad because i know what the right answer should be but i am having a real hard time accepting it. if i can get answers in person to the issues i have and they do or don't satisfy my concerns it will make the decision much easier. i think this is what i should do
@graf bro, I know you are a good person and human that wants to help however you can't help everyone. If this one thing is going to burden you more than anything else, it's not worth it. You are a person that has their own life to look after, who is gonna look out for you when all of this is over, plus in the next four years, life anywhere near North America is going to be very shitty, I doubt it will get better and not because I don't have hope, I'm being very realistic. It's ok to say no, you will not be a bad person for your choice. They might freak out but that's not your problem. Just politely decline, if they get mad or angry with your response, it'll show their true colors especially if they were counting on manipulating you. Good people get manipulated the most, you shouldn't be taken advantage of just because you have a good heart and are willing to help. Saying "no" will not make you a bad person no matter how much your hero ego may say otherwise. It's ok to decline something and not give the full reason, "I'm sorry, but with much consideration, I have to decline the offer for personal reasons". Everyone who is non-manipulative will be ok with your answer considering how big of a favor it is and if they won't, that's not on you either. I hope it helps your outcome.
to be honest friend I don't have anyone looking out for me. I have a couple american friends who would drop anything and drive up to visit me but I can't rely on that. got me mum and sister, guess thats it. Most of my high school friends are dead from OD or suicide, the ones left all have families and moved away. I guess I've just been trying to build happiness for myself where it hasn't been for a while. Always given everybody everything before I ever considered myseld. Always been like that
Everything I've read screams that you are being led on. It sounds like you're entering lawyer territory, like trusts and investment agreements, but with someone who could easily cut and run.
I won't get into specifics but it's removing a somebody from a mortgage that has about 500k left on it. I would be the principle lendee as they wont extend that much to the current party on the mortgage. no cut and run because as the principle owner I could just have the bank sell it
You need to get above that, Graf.
Sit downs are nice and heartfelt.
Sit downs are also where promises that cannot be kept are most often found.
Whatever you got going on, plan on the worst case scenario.
Sit downs are nice and heartfelt.
Sit downs are also where promises that cannot be kept are most often found.
Whatever you got going on, plan on the worst case scenario.
this has weighed heavy on my soul for several months friend. something needs to be in place by june
What's the risk?
I will absolutely invest the fuel money to gas you up, friend. Simple reciprocity. Nothing more, nothing less expected. I thought I was going to have to go it alone and you guys have proved me wrong to date. Wish I could do more but I know you want to figure out the tough answers on your own, just with some sounding board service just to talk through it.
well I become the principle lendee and I am responsible for about 500k remaining on the mortgage. until that mortgage is paid off, I can't have another mortgage according to my sister so property I am actually interested in buying and building on I can't for as long as that property has anything owing on it. it will soon have a lien on it for something unrelated which will add an additional 100k to it, which will also unfortunately become my lien. houses in the area sold for 980 for similarily sized which is a loss of about 400k from the value of the original mortgage. there's a lot of cons involved, I would have to sit and think but my brain is tired now
I would gas you to* mars chick. elon would be like "how the fuck did this chick make it that far" and you know that 🫵🏻
If you are going to do this, take full title to the property and have a lease or land contract with the occupants of the house so you can sell the place and get your money back if they bail on you. Hire a real estate attorney. You can make this relatively risk free.
she told me she would pay me rent equivalent to the cost of the mortgage but I do not know how to split it when it comes to sell in 4 years
that’s what I’m saying. get everything documented. talk it through with a professional. I do this for a living but not in Canada. do not just sing bank docs and take people on their word. there is a good way to do this.
What would you do if she couldn't/didn't pay rent? Evict her and her kids? Don't sign on for only the bad parts of a landlord/tenant relationship.
there are other ....factors.. involved with this that friends of mine are privy to that make it a little more complicated than just cut and dry lawyer paperwork type shit. i will not get into it publicly but i have friends who are also into the shit you are talking about who have also told me to satisfy all of my concerns before making a decision so I think I am going to sit down with a third party and a list of issues I have first
yea, then i pay the mortgage lol and the landlord tenant thing is non existent because it's not a rental agreement because it's a cosign on a mortgage. a little more complicated
dude, you are going to be buying them a house. this is your heart. 😒
brother if I had hours in the day to explain the entire situation from start to finish it would be one of the wildest movies you've ever seen. I am trying my best to keep my feelings out of my decision
i wouldnt do it unless it was my kid.
yeah
im going to have a couple beers since I've been up fixing jeetware. might turn my phone off for a bit so i don't have to get cornered into a conversation about it until im ready with a date to go over what im bothered about in person. thank you and everyone else for letting me vent
im going to have a couple beers since I've been up fixing jeetware. might turn my phone off for a bit so i don't have to get cornered into a conversation about it until im ready with a date to go over what im bothered about in person. thank you and everyone else for letting me vent
>as I type this my phone is ringing
OK well great news is I may not even have to deal with it. will update later I don't want to think about this anymore
@graf
I just want too let you know that this phone you got me has brought 1,000s of people joy. I appreciate it everyday. As soon as i get a second bedroom again i’ll fly you out here.
I just want too let you know that this phone you got me has brought 1,000s of people joy. I appreciate it everyday. As soon as i get a second bedroom again i’ll fly you out here.
brother you don't have to pay for me to go anywhere, if I am going somewhere I will pay for myself and probably bring a half dozen of my closest friends when I do. if you enjoy it, I am glad for you that is the only christmas and birthday and easter and divorce gift you will ever get from me
@graf @AsukaNeko @JustJohnny @kioshi @monkyyy
One of the worst things that can happen in real estate is emotional attachment. You never truly own property even when it’s paid off. It can be taken from you by imminent domain by the city/county, which happened too my home i grew up in when the county widened the road.
Then there’s the real estate bubble that we are in. Property is way over valued right now and the correction is starting too happen. Its cyclical. I once bought a fourplex for $200,000 then 2008 happened and i lost the property too bank auction where it sold for $70,000. I sold three other houses for a profit at the time but the one i actually lived in got foreclosed.
There is also a shadow inventory of vacant housing units that are being secretly withheld by the jews too keep the market prices high. America has over 16 million units in shadow inventory.
Right now is the worst time in history for noobs too be buying real estate.
One of the worst things that can happen in real estate is emotional attachment. You never truly own property even when it’s paid off. It can be taken from you by imminent domain by the city/county, which happened too my home i grew up in when the county widened the road.
Then there’s the real estate bubble that we are in. Property is way over valued right now and the correction is starting too happen. Its cyclical. I once bought a fourplex for $200,000 then 2008 happened and i lost the property too bank auction where it sold for $70,000. I sold three other houses for a profit at the time but the one i actually lived in got foreclosed.
There is also a shadow inventory of vacant housing units that are being secretly withheld by the jews too keep the market prices high. America has over 16 million units in shadow inventory.
Right now is the worst time in history for noobs too be buying real estate.
I'm not buying real estate, I would be taking over somebody who wants to exit a mortgage with somebody. It was bought at 1.1m, appraised at 1.2m last fall but a neighboring house in the avg sq footage that had upgrades besides the kitchen which is done in this house sold for 980 so I am very wary for this woman because the person she is moving this divorce from is not a nice person and from what I have read him say he's not very intelligent which is funny because somebody else in his family lead me to believe he was for the entire time i knew her but that is a story for another day
@graf @AsukaNeko @JustJohnny @kioshi @monkyyy
If it has a bunch of bedrooms you could rent it out to a sorority.
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If it has a bunch of bedrooms you could rent it out to a sorority.
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nigger there's already a sorority living in it