Egregoros

Hi @graf, we don’t know each other, but trust me when I tell you to drop this. Think for yourself first, there’s nothing wrong with that. More importantly, there’s often more to lose than to gain by helping someone. You never know if your help will truly be appreciated, and most of the time, you may end up alone when it’s your turn to need help.

I’ve been in situations with both wealthy and very poor people, and honestly, humanity can be disappointing. That’s a hard truth for many to accept, but it doesn’t make it any less true. So go ahead and avoid unnecessary burden.

my issue isn't whether or not maybe this will end up costing me because its definitely going to cost me somehow whether it be financial emotional physical whatever. whenever I need help the only people I can turn to is you guys but the only help I can turn to you guys for is help with the site. I have friends IRL but I could never ask them to do something like cosign a car or a house or a loan or something like that, I have too much pride. I have on one occasion used a couple friends from poast as references for something but I would never ever put anybody on this webzone in a position where they would ever be out anything.

I want to help this person. I want to help these people, I should say. I want to. but there are some things that happened between the first time I was asked for help until now that always stick out in my mind. and i want to talk to her about it in person. there is also a 4 year long issue we need to discuss before i consider it but every time I bring it up "we can write up a letter and agree on it and sign it with lawyers!" and because this is an ESL person you can't just be like "no, like there need to be safeguards for both parties" and its just. I'm just so tired man. I can hear in her voice every time I talk to her that she is tired and she mentions me helping her and she just sounds happier over all and its just all burning my brain

@graf bro, I know you are a good person and human that wants to help however you can't help everyone. If this one thing is going to burden you more than anything else, it's not worth it. You are a person that has their own life to look after, who is gonna look out for you when all of this is over, plus in the next four years, life anywhere near North America is going to be very shitty, I doubt it will get better and not because I don't have hope, I'm being very realistic. It's ok to say no, you will not be a bad person for your choice. They might freak out but that's not your problem. Just politely decline, if they get mad or angry with your response, it'll show their true colors especially if they were counting on manipulating you. Good people get manipulated the most, you shouldn't be taken advantage of just because you have a good heart and are willing to help. Saying "no" will not make you a bad person no matter how much your hero ego may say otherwise. It's ok to decline something and not give the full reason, "I'm sorry, but with much consideration, I have to decline the offer for personal reasons". Everyone who is non-manipulative will be ok with your answer considering how big of a favor it is and if they won't, that's not on you either. I hope it helps your outcome.